


Triptych

by SandrC



Series: Not Another Fanfiction Collection [7]
Category: Not Another D&D Podcast
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Hardwon is the voice of reason, Moonshine Cybin: Queen of Bad Ideas, Moonshine and Hardwon are only barely literate, Platonic Meet-Cute, someone save this child
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 03:46:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18438380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandrC/pseuds/SandrC
Summary: (n) A set of three associated artistic, literary, or musical works intended to be appreciated together.(In which Beverly is almost kidnapped, Hardwon says "I told you so", and Moonshine tries her damndest to not get thrown out of the one place she has gotten herself into.)





	Triptych

**Author's Note:**

> A take on the modern high school AU for NADDPOD because I'm a big ol slut for AUs and also I'm recovering from every one of my favorite actual play podcasts hitting me in the feels meat.
> 
> 11 points of emotional damage. The worst.
> 
> (You'd better bet that Hardwon's gonna see his mom. That Martha's gonna see her husband. That Moonshine's gonna deck and/or reconcile with whatever weird fucking dude is her daddy. I'm not in denial, fuck you.)
> 
> So here's some weird fluff with weird AU shit.
> 
> Trans-man Hardwon because I said so. How does Moonshine get away with no shoes or underoos in school? No one knows! Beverly is considerably younger than he normally is but if the older Boobs are teens, he is much less so.
> 
> Gender-neutral pronouns until proven otherwise. Bev may have internalized homophobia and gender issues in this AU but he's not a dick.
> 
> Denny smokes cloves with the "cool kids". He, himself, is NOT a "cool kid". He's a dink and an asshole.
> 
> Galad is...Galad. Imagine whatever bible-thumping, trust fund, natural blond, theater kid you like. That's Galad. Fucking asshole. Abstinence until I die. Except not.
> 
> May write more of this one. Idk. If the whim hits me. It's a fun sandbox for sure.

Beverly Toegold V sat, feet swinging high above the tatty carpeted floor, and read the worn copy of _the Picture of Dorian Gray_ that Denny had failed to see him snag from a low shelf in the W-section. It was a riveting read, full of a lingering dread and understanding of glut and opulence as a corrupting force.

 _Also_ it was _more_ than a little gay. That was a bonus, for sure, if not a _guilty_ one.

He had just reached the part of the book wherein Dorian—enticed by the hedonistic values of the affluent Lord Henry—is acutely aware of the fallibility of youth and beauty, when a shadow fell over him. It was split, as any multi-sourced fluorescent lighting will do to a shadow, but made the fine print of his borrowed book harder to parse.

Beverly weighed his guess as to who it was.

It couldn't be Denny. Denny always met Beverly when he got to the school, took him to the library for tutoring, then "went to the bathroom" for the rest of the two-hour session. It wasn't Galad—who, Beverly realized with a shameful flush, wouldn't have approved of his choice of reading material—because Galad had practice for the Drama Club's production of _the Passion of the Christ_. And...those were the only two people he knew that would be there, in the Galaderon High library.

So who was looming over him? _Who_ was casting this bifurcated shadow?

Beverly chanced a look up and saw two scraggly looking teens standing over him and it set his blood on ice in the _worst_ possible way.

The teen that was actively leaning over him was wearing only a pair of dirty overalls— _that's it,_ no under-things, no shirt, no shoes. Just the overalls and a mess of dark chestnut hair.

The other teen had a scraggly beard and wore a pair of dirty aviation goggles around their neck. They kept looking at the closer teen like they were uncomfortable, leaning away in feigned disinterest.

The teen in the overalls grinned wider, showing off a large gap in their teeth. " _Hey_ there youngun." They had a heavy southern accent, which checked out, but their cadence was... _insincere_. Like they were hiding something, or lying. "Where's your _adult_?"

"He'll be back soon," Beverly lied. Denny would _not_ be back soon. He knew that, but he hoped these teens _didn't_ know that. "He's gone to the bathroom."

"Denny?" The teen with the beard asked. Their voice was lower, almost forced down, like they were trying to make a point with a gruff tone. The teen in the overalls grinned wider and the teen with the beard continued, "Kid, I don't know if _you_ know this, but Denny is off in the back smoking. He _always's_ back there at this time."

" _Aww_ ," the teen in the overalls said, "He _left_ you? _Rude_. Anyway, _back_ to why I'm here—"

" _Moonshine_ ," the teen with the beard warned, "I don't think this is such a—"

"We're gonna need t' _borrow_ you for a bit. Nothin' _bad_ ," _Moonshine_ , the teen in the overalls interrupted their friend, "but Hardwon n' I need a smartypants kiddo to... _do_ a few things for us."

The teen with the beard— _Hardwon_ , Beverly could easily assume—seemed to sink in on themself. " _Moonshine_ ," they said again, "I _really_ don't think that we should—"

"I'm sorry, but you need to leave me alone," Beverly found the gumption to say. His voice shook a bit—he was a little scared, _sure_ , but who _wouldn't_ be if they were approached by two strangers—but he held his ground. "My daddy's a cop." That was half a lie. Beverly IV was a security officer in a nearby mall, but _they_ didn't know that. "I'll-I'll _call_ him and _tell on you_."

Hardwon looked _more_ distressed. _Good_. " _Moonshine_ ," they begged.

Moonshine continued, unhindered, "You come by here every week, stay for two hours, and then leave. Your daddy won't be here for another hour and a half. And _besides_ ," they grinned, "we ain't gonna hurt you."

Beverly Toegold V, overwhelmed and surrounded by people he didn't know, then did something he was not very proud of.

He burst into tears.

* * *

Hardwon _didn't like this plan_. He wasn't gonna win the argument with Moonshine, _that's_ for sure, but it didn't mean he had to _like_ what she was plotting.

"So, _what_ ," he asked, hoping one more clarification would make her change her mind, "we find this kid that hangs out in the library, _kidnap_ them, and _make_ them tutor us? What makes you think some elementary school dude is gonna be able to help with midterms?"

Moonshine gave Hardwon a crooked and self-assured grin. "We're only _borrowing_ them, _not_ kidnapping. Don't be _rude_." She lifted one finger, then another, counting up her answers. "Th' kid is smart, dude, so _yeah_ , they're gonna help us out. I've seen 'em readin' books th' size of their head." Another finger lifted. "And it's _just_ lit class. Seein' what books this'un reads, I think we're _golden_."

 _Fuck_. Looked like he was gonna be complicit in a kidnapping—no matter _how_ Moonshine wanted to paint it. Inside of Moonshine's overalls, PawPaw wriggled and poked his fuzzy nose out to see where they were. Moonshine scritched him on the head and he settled down again with muttered squeaking.

True to form, just after school ended, a bus from the local private school dropped off one small kid with curly, light hair and a pristine uniform. They hiked up their backpack—comically larger than it should be against their small frame—and met a disinterested looking Denny at the front door.

" _Hi there!_ " Denny greeted the kid.

 _God_ , Hardwon fucking _hated_ Denny. The dude was yellow-bellied _as fuck_ and, to add insult to injury, was a _trust fund kid._ Two things that didn't endear _anyone_ to Hardwon. _Plus_ he talked like some sort of asshole with his weird northwestern accent.

"Hi Denny!" The kid adjusted their backpack and nodded at Denny _fucking_ Pebblepot. " _Ready_?"

"C'mon in." And _there they went._

Hardwon could see Moonshine grinning in his peripheral, radiating smug energy. As soon as Denny and the kid were out of sight, she dropped down out of the tree they were hiding in and started for the side-entrance to the library.

"So Denny just _leaves_ the kid there while he smokes cloves with the drama kids?" Hardwon asked, jogging to catch up with her. Moonshine made a small noise of agreement. " _What a douche!_ This kid's dad pays Denny to probably tutor the kid and he just _leaves_ them in the library and fucks off with the money! _Asshole_."

" _Agreed_. Hence us _just_ borrowing them; it ain't like _Denny's_ gonna do jack all anyway!" She gestured to the window and pointed at a small figure with a well-worn book. "Smart kiddo."

Hardwon peered through the glare of the dirty window, trying to see the title on it. Something with _Literary Classics_ on the side. Old book. _Damn_. "I'm still not feeling great about _kidnapping_."

"Kidnapping is _such_ a _rude_ word."

"It's the _truth_ ," he retorted.

"It ain't _right_ ," she replied. No winning that argument. Hardwon gave up.

After some time waiting, Moonshine pushed the door open and slipped in, Hardwon behind her. She casually walked up to the kid and all hell broke loose.

The kid wasn't comfortable with them leering at them. They weren't happy about the weird threats Moonshine was making—even if it wasn't on purpose. They looked like they were gonna holler real loud and get an adult, getting the two of them kicked out and probably thrown in detention.

Hardwon didn't blame them.

Up close, the kid was _even smaller_ than they expected. They had dirty-blonde hair that framed their face in soft curls, soft brown eyes, braces, and a well-pressed private school uniform. If the patch on their lapel could be trusted, they were a student of Galaderon Prepatory School— _home of the Green Knights!_ —which was a _big money_ school.

Big money school. Small, _smart_ kid.

Hardwon _really_ didn't like any of this.

And then the kid started crying and Hardwon was done. Capital- _D O N E._ Nope. Hardwon _out_.

Which, _honestly_ , seemed to throw off Moonshine as well.

 _Good_ , Hardwon thought with a petty kind of vengeance, _she needs to be off-balance every once in a while._

But the kid was still blubbering and they hadn't done anything about it. That was becoming more of a problem as time went on.

Hardwon couldn't afford to be expelled.

So he tried to defuse the situation.

* * *

Moonshine didn't _want_ it to come to this but the damn school was stacked _against_ her! They didn't let her keep PawPaw until she forged some _pretty_ damn convincing service animal paperwork. They wanted her to wear shoes and a shirt and a bra. They told her she had to be able to do maths and literature and so on.

And _now_?

 _Now_ she had to pass this test or she would be expelled.

She couldn't _afford_ to be expelled.

Her Meemaw would lose her damn shit. She was the first of her family to make it to higher levels of education! She was making them proud, being there! If she was kicked out—?

She'd disappoint her _so bad_.

She'd lose the _one_ thing she wanted: freedom, an education, the chance to _prove_ herself.

She _needed_ to pass this test. So she came up with a terrible plan.

There's _this kid_ that comes by every Thursday. _Rich_ kid from a _rich_ school. Denny picks them up and then dumps them in the library and _fucks off_ while the kid studies and reads happily. _Devours_ books, really. And, because she knew _when_ Denny dropped them in the library and when Denny _picked them up again_ , she knew the best time to borrow the kid.

Coz they went to a smart school so they _had_ to be able to help an idiot with her lit midterms.

So it was a _good_ plan! _Even if_ Hardwon hated it, the party pooper.

But then the kid started crying, _hard_ , and Moonshine's plan went to shit.

 _Panic_ , first and foremost. Panic flooded Moonshine's system. It's not like she didn't know how to handle kids, coz she _did_. She was the oldest of a large communal family and had been babysitting the younguns since she was able to hold one, so she knew how to handle kids. You pick em up, dust em off, and ask em what they learned. But this wasn't a kid she was particularly familiar with and also they were crying. Blubbering, really. Snotty nose and watery eyes and hiccuping with each shuddering breath. A right mess.

Moonshine continued to panic.

"Please don' t-take me! I don' _wanna_ ' get taken!" The kid wailed. Hardwon locked eyes with Moonshine and grimaced. "I'm jus' here to _learn_ an-an' _read_ an' you're tryin' to _take_ me! My daddy doesn't have the money to pay you an' if you take me we won't have the money to buy food an-an' gas an' stuff!"

Fuck. _Fucking shit_. The librarian—halfway across the room reshelving books—perked up and looked for the source of the noise.

Hardwon, _bless him_ , stepped up to bat. He knelt down so that he was eye-level with the kid and remained at a respectable distance, hands where the kid could see them. " _Hey_ ," he said in a low, slow voice, "look here. We're _not_ gonna take you. Moonshine was _joking_. It was a _goof_."

"Not a vuh-very _good_ one!" The kid said through their tears. _Burn_. She got _told_. Fuck.

" _Yeah_ , she forgets that not everyone likes getting scooped. See, Moonshine has _a lot_ of siblings and they like being chased and picked up and thrown, so she doesn't remember that _other_ folks don't cotton to that." Hardwon laughed when the kid let out a watery chuckle. A hot burn of shame sped through Moonshine.

She didn't _realize_ but—

Hardwon had tried to warn her.

 _She_ —

" _Fuck_." She didn't mean to swear in front of the kid but— "I'm _so_ sorry."

" _H-huh_?" The kid looked at her with damp eyes, brow pinched in confusion.

" _Look_ ; me n' Hardwon'll get outta' your hair and you can get back to reading your fancy books n' all. Sorry for spookin' ya like that." Moonshine tried to wordlessly communicate her intent to Hardwon. She _really_ did.

But Hardwon's a _right_ idiot too. And he was very confused. " _Now_ you're chill about not kidnapping this kid?"

" _Look_ ," Moonshine inhaled and exhaled, soft and low, keep your peace, " _I fucked up_. That's _fine_. I'll _admit_ that. But I'm _not_ gonna take this'un and I'm just gonna fucking _fail_ my damn lit midterm and get expelled and-and get expelled and- _and-and-and_ hafta go home to Meemaw bein' all _mad_ about this an' sad _and-and-and—!_ " She hadn't meant to start crying but it was _so much_!

And the kid, eyes red but dry, frowned up at her. So did Hardwon.

"You know we can just _study_ , right? We can just _try_ and learn this shit!" Hardwon offered. "I offered at the _start_ of all this shit! Or we can pay one of the eggheads to get us cheat sheets!"

" _What_ , you n' I getting down to the books an' learnin' _all_ that fancy lit stuff? You're doin' worse than _me_ , Surefoot!" It wasn't an attack. It _wasn't_. Who was _he_ to judge her with his D average?!

" _Rude_ ," he scoffed, but didn't press, _thank fuck._

But the kid did.

"If you need help I can—"

"Dunno why you'd wanna _help_ us, after all this?"

The kid pressed on, "I can help tutor you." They frowned, firm, concerned. It's weird, this kid who they— _she_ —tried to kidnap trying to help her now. Set weird against Moonshine's breast, next to PawPaw. "It's lit, right? _Literature_?" They tapped the side of their head and offered up a brace-filled smile. "That's what I'm best at, all things considered."

" _See_?" Hardwon added, spurred on by an additional opinion that matched his own in small amounts. He gestured to the whole three foot nothing of the kid, "Nice kid, rich school, smart noodle, _offering to help_. _Or_ , like I said: _cheat sheets_. Ulfric, the senior dude? He _owes_ me." He grinned, proud of this extortion.

"If you wanted help, you could've _asked_. Worst thing I could have said was _no_ ," the kid said and, _shit_ , they were right.

" _Sorry_...," Moonshine wiped her nose on her arm, loudly sniffling. "I'll remember that _next time_ I try t'kidnap a small child."

"I'm a pre-teen. _Not_ a child." The kid pouted petulantly. Hardwon laughed and, spurred on by his amusement and the kid's non-anger at the slight, Moonshine corrected herself in the wrong way.

"A _baby_. I won't kidnap _literal babies_."

" _Pre. Teen_." The kid repeats, smiling slightly. It even makes Moonshine laugh.

"Thanks," she finally admits. "For doin' this. You didn't hafta— _don't_ hafta..."

"But I _do_." The kid stands up, dusts off their boy shorts, and holds out a well-manicured hand for a handshake. " _Hi_ there, my name is Beverly Toegold the Fifth, but _you_ can call me Bev!"

"Hi Bev," Moonshine says, sniffling a bit, "I'm Moonshine Cybin n' this is PawPaw." PawPaw, ever the diva, poked his nose out of her overalls and squeaked at Bev, who laughed. It was the type of laugh offered to pets by children.

"And this cool dude over here is Hardwon Surefoot. No pets 'twixt _my_ tits though." Hardwon, smirking, gestured to himself and stood up as well, towering over them both. Damn asshole always was taller than her. Again, Bev laughed, though this time it was more through their nose and much more in on the joke.

" _Well_ then," Bev nodded and gestured for them to sit down across from their own seat, "Hardwon. Moonshine. _PawPaw_ ," _oh Melora_ , they even addressed PawPaw. They're too cute for this world. Moonshine wanted to _eat up_ Beverly Toegold V they were _so_ damn sweet. "Let's get down to brass tacks: _do you know how to read?_ "

_But the rest is a story for another time._


End file.
